Bingham
From EspionageWiki
Bingham is easily the most unhealthy person you have ever met. Bingham has a good life and several pets.
Contents |
Everytime you put Ketchup on a Hot-Dog
Birth
To hear Bingham tell the story you would be led to believe he was born in a swamp at the stroke of midnight, but nothing could be further from the truth. He was actually born in a bayou at 12:04 A.M.
Early Years
Bingham was a renowned curling star by the age of 11, having won 32 gold medals in the sport. It was later discovered that he had actually only won 3 gold medals. The Olympic computers had a virus. Based on those computers' records he was the largest gold medal winner in Olympic history. Realizing he could never do any better than he did Bingham left the Olympics forever.[1] He worked his ass off in his earlier years and still found time to visit the local Denny's. He met Lord Zmolik and The Captain during one of his visits there. Before too long he was afraid that The Captain would literally murder and eat him during a camping trip that never came to fruition.
Chicken In Buckets
Bingham is known for his love of fowl and buckets. He once had a dream where he had all this fried chicken, but no bucket, so he just went around screaming "CAN I GET A BUCKET FOR THIS CHICKEN!!!". From that love, he invented the Turducket.
Discovery and Proof of the existence of Heavenly Tacos
In October of 2007, while postulating and theorizing quantum mechanics and its application to various foodstuffs, he arrived (by way of explicitly complex formulas) at the Heavenly Taco Theorum. Two weeks later he captured one such Taco in a photograph.
Alcohol
For years Matt was known simply as Alcohol Matt. He could drink more alcoholic beverages than any human could stand to ingest. He also found it quite amusing to force all those around him to consume equally obscene amounts of alcohol.
He had to stop drinking shortly after his wedding in September of 2005 due to problems with his Pancreas.
Bingham now spends most of his free time taking random pills.
Cooking
Bingham never cooks one meal. He cooks an entire month's worth of food in a matter of hours. You would be shocked. Do not ask him what hot dogs are unless you are only kidding.
Fun Facts
- Bingham's urine glows under a blacklight
- Bingham is no better than Ling Ling.
- Once lived for a year on a diet consisting solely of Martinis and Pickles.
- Bingham was informed of The Captains immutable rule regarding his nipples with a swift punch to the face. The Captain then tried to explain the rule by yelling, "I thought you wanted me to!" at Bingham.
- In 2005, Bingham told Rolling Stone magazine that he is a card-carrying member of the Church Of Scientology. He bought memberships for himself and The Captain ironically as Christmas gifts. In the same interview he clarified that he is an atheist, and the reason behind the membership was that he got the chance to hold the asparagus cans in his hands.
- Bingham has never once put dead bodies into a deep freezer without first giving them each a Snuggie.
