Hansel
From EspionageWiki
Hansel is an aspiring politician in Dallas, Texas providing you and yours with maximum karate chops since 1765.
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Early Years
Growing up in Mesquite, Texas, Hansel lived down the street from a mentally disabled boy who did little more than shit his tighty whities.
Hansel in Modern Times
Hansel likes riding bikes, swimming, evenings at the DMV, watching Captain Kangaroo and sipping molten platinum. Sometimes he will have Ricky fetch his house slippers and prepare a brace of kippers, four deviled kidneys, a dish of kedgeree and a pot of Darjeeling so Hansel can settle into a long arduous day filled with the pippist's filth and possibly stagnant urine. Hansel also enjoys having fun. He has plenty of time to spend with people who don't stink and are at best only moderately shitty.
Fun Facts
- If, after you already know Hansel, you offer him a business card he will reject it and launch into a tirade about how it is totally useless to him at this point and continue on to tell you how it will just serve to junk up his car.
- Hansel becomes violent upon the mere mention of the topic of marriage.
- No longer a bufusman, Hansel gave up the wiener for lent and is now in there with the ladies these days.
- If ever at a gala or dining establishment with Hansel and he offers to have something prepared for you with the option to either have your crupple "fuckled" or "regler", you should insist on "regler".
